Find a new job. It’s not as bad as people think in the UK your in the US but I’m sure the markers better then once you have the new job say you can’t start for two months. Make up some excuse and go on holiday for those two months.
Yeah, I did this and you might not really like the answer.
First, understand that you're probably getting burnt out because you hate what you do. Either you hate programming, hate sitting at a desk all day, or you hate the products you're building, or you hate the culture of the company you work for. Figure out which one it is and think about how you'd change that. If it's sitting in an office, you need to work from home and then become location independent so you can work from a cabin in the mountains or a bungalow on an island, or just a state park or your back yard. If it's the products you're building or the culture of your company, figure out exactly what it is, and find a different place to work that doesn't have these problems. Often, you're the kind of person that wants yo get things done and the culture of your company is such that everything is bureaucratic in nature. Or the company has a "work hard play hard" mythology or some other bullshit culture. Or you don't believe in the products you're building and selling your integrity, that can really ruin people.
I quit without notice 6 years ago and haven't looked back. I haven't worked in an office for 6 years, I haven't built something that makes me ashamed of myself in 6 years, I haven't rationalized why this thing I don't want to do is actually good, or why it doesn't matter because I'm just doing my job. I haven't been a cog in a machine for 6 years. I've done freelance work as needed, other gig work as needed, I have never been happier. I found my wife out here in the world living this way, started a family, my days are filled with spending time with people I love, working on things I'm proud to be working on, and enjoying the outdoors.
A fundamental aspect to how you're feeling is that, for whatever reason, you aren't happy with how you're living life, yet you continue to live that way because of some external expectation. Figure out which part of your life you hate, whether it's the city, programming, the particular products you're building, whatever it is. You're clinging to them for some external reason. Your parents will lose respect for you, or your friends will think you're a loser, or you've internalized craving of status, or something like that. Throw that bullshit away, you have one life, live it how you want, other people are not going to hunt down happiness for you so their expectations should be the farthest thing from your mind.
The first thing you need to do is downsize. You almost certainly have enormous expenses that are keeping you on the treadmill. Get rid of all of it, if you don't have kids counting on you, chances are almost everything you have and pay for you don't need, and are keeping them at least partly to look successful to others. Ditch them all. Especially, ditch the feeling that if people think you're a loser it makes you a loser.
Go get an RV or a van for 5 grand. Go out in the world and be a leaf on the wind. I literally threw a dart at the map and met the love of my life there. Get rid of all bills, find the cheapest place to park and just live there for a while. Go flip burgers to make your 300 a month rent. Go to a state park and pick up trash for free stays. Do something else, use your imagination. Go be a fire watcher for a season. Whatever you do, you're carrying around a ball and chain and you need to rid yourself of it, because you're sinking, and although on paper your path is the right one, what you're feeling is telling you that it's not, some part of you is screaming at you to save yourself, listen to it.
Thanks for the long reply. How did you go about getting into freelance work? Freelancing seems like the path I’d enjoy, but it gives the feeling of a starving artist, do you feel that way? Also, are you in the USA, I’m curious on how you handle medical insurance.
Truthfully, my expenses are rent (HCOL) and food. I have no debt. I live a modest life in a very expensive city due to my partners job.
US, yes. I just started on fiverr and upwork and the like, but in the meantime I networked a little in some communities online. Those sites aren't really viable anymore, and were barely viable when I did it, so I don't know what to tell you except once you figure that part out and network a little you'll have a few people that need you to do something every so often. I specifically target small jobs that would take me under a month to complete, and I don't do more than a handful a year at this point, since life is so cheap.
The hardest part about freelancing is policing yourself. It's so easy to just not work that you have to be the kind of person that will actually do the boss part of being your own boss. I'm not the best at that, but I have more than one source, freelance programming is one, and a couple of others that give me some money when I need it. I'm not above any kind of work, and if push comes to shove I'll go get a shit service job for a short period to cover expenses and save a bit, and I've done that twice for a couple of months each time.
Starving artist, I'm not starving, I eat good but I cook everything I eat and hardly ever pay someone to cook for me at a food place. Truth is, when you let go of what you think are comforts you'll find you don't really need them. A sanitary space to take care of yourself and healthy food is all you need. But yes, it takes some getting used to not needing so much and can be a shock.
Insurance... I didn't, until recently. I just lived without it. It's one of those things, most people think they need it but they really don't, most of the time. But that time you do you'll wish you had it, hence "insurance." I have gone without it most of my life, but I'm getting to an age where it's going to start coming in handy, so I got myself set up in the marketplace. For just one person it can be pretty affordable if you aren't making a ton of money, if you are making a ton of money, then with lower expenses elsewhere it seems to be not a big deal.
OK so you already have a partner, that changes the calculus quite a bit. I was just me, and one of my goals with this was to wind up somewhere I liked and meet people I liked and hopefully meet someone special. For you, you've probably already got that, but it means your decisions affect someone else, so much more thought and planning have to go into what you ultimately decide.
Remember, the how isn't the most important part. I'm just giving you ideas from my own life. Burnout is a symptom that something deeper is wrong, and you have to figure out what that is. You might love living in the city and working a desk job and eating out and drinking with friends on the weekends, but you just hate the company you're at, or the type of work you do. Or, you might just not want to live in an ant colony anymore. The most important part is figuring out what part of your life is making you miserable, and then, what kind of life wouldn't. Then you figure out the how.
Find a new job. It’s not as bad as people think in the UK your in the US but I’m sure the markers better then once you have the new job say you can’t start for two months. Make up some excuse and go on holiday for those two months.
What’s typical pay like in the UK and how is your life over there?
Just get out of there. Whatever it takes.
Yeah, I did this and you might not really like the answer.
First, understand that you're probably getting burnt out because you hate what you do. Either you hate programming, hate sitting at a desk all day, or you hate the products you're building, or you hate the culture of the company you work for. Figure out which one it is and think about how you'd change that. If it's sitting in an office, you need to work from home and then become location independent so you can work from a cabin in the mountains or a bungalow on an island, or just a state park or your back yard. If it's the products you're building or the culture of your company, figure out exactly what it is, and find a different place to work that doesn't have these problems. Often, you're the kind of person that wants yo get things done and the culture of your company is such that everything is bureaucratic in nature. Or the company has a "work hard play hard" mythology or some other bullshit culture. Or you don't believe in the products you're building and selling your integrity, that can really ruin people.
I quit without notice 6 years ago and haven't looked back. I haven't worked in an office for 6 years, I haven't built something that makes me ashamed of myself in 6 years, I haven't rationalized why this thing I don't want to do is actually good, or why it doesn't matter because I'm just doing my job. I haven't been a cog in a machine for 6 years. I've done freelance work as needed, other gig work as needed, I have never been happier. I found my wife out here in the world living this way, started a family, my days are filled with spending time with people I love, working on things I'm proud to be working on, and enjoying the outdoors.
A fundamental aspect to how you're feeling is that, for whatever reason, you aren't happy with how you're living life, yet you continue to live that way because of some external expectation. Figure out which part of your life you hate, whether it's the city, programming, the particular products you're building, whatever it is. You're clinging to them for some external reason. Your parents will lose respect for you, or your friends will think you're a loser, or you've internalized craving of status, or something like that. Throw that bullshit away, you have one life, live it how you want, other people are not going to hunt down happiness for you so their expectations should be the farthest thing from your mind.
The first thing you need to do is downsize. You almost certainly have enormous expenses that are keeping you on the treadmill. Get rid of all of it, if you don't have kids counting on you, chances are almost everything you have and pay for you don't need, and are keeping them at least partly to look successful to others. Ditch them all. Especially, ditch the feeling that if people think you're a loser it makes you a loser.
Go get an RV or a van for 5 grand. Go out in the world and be a leaf on the wind. I literally threw a dart at the map and met the love of my life there. Get rid of all bills, find the cheapest place to park and just live there for a while. Go flip burgers to make your 300 a month rent. Go to a state park and pick up trash for free stays. Do something else, use your imagination. Go be a fire watcher for a season. Whatever you do, you're carrying around a ball and chain and you need to rid yourself of it, because you're sinking, and although on paper your path is the right one, what you're feeling is telling you that it's not, some part of you is screaming at you to save yourself, listen to it.
Thanks for the long reply. How did you go about getting into freelance work? Freelancing seems like the path I’d enjoy, but it gives the feeling of a starving artist, do you feel that way? Also, are you in the USA, I’m curious on how you handle medical insurance.
Truthfully, my expenses are rent (HCOL) and food. I have no debt. I live a modest life in a very expensive city due to my partners job.
US, yes. I just started on fiverr and upwork and the like, but in the meantime I networked a little in some communities online. Those sites aren't really viable anymore, and were barely viable when I did it, so I don't know what to tell you except once you figure that part out and network a little you'll have a few people that need you to do something every so often. I specifically target small jobs that would take me under a month to complete, and I don't do more than a handful a year at this point, since life is so cheap.
The hardest part about freelancing is policing yourself. It's so easy to just not work that you have to be the kind of person that will actually do the boss part of being your own boss. I'm not the best at that, but I have more than one source, freelance programming is one, and a couple of others that give me some money when I need it. I'm not above any kind of work, and if push comes to shove I'll go get a shit service job for a short period to cover expenses and save a bit, and I've done that twice for a couple of months each time.
Starving artist, I'm not starving, I eat good but I cook everything I eat and hardly ever pay someone to cook for me at a food place. Truth is, when you let go of what you think are comforts you'll find you don't really need them. A sanitary space to take care of yourself and healthy food is all you need. But yes, it takes some getting used to not needing so much and can be a shock.
Insurance... I didn't, until recently. I just lived without it. It's one of those things, most people think they need it but they really don't, most of the time. But that time you do you'll wish you had it, hence "insurance." I have gone without it most of my life, but I'm getting to an age where it's going to start coming in handy, so I got myself set up in the marketplace. For just one person it can be pretty affordable if you aren't making a ton of money, if you are making a ton of money, then with lower expenses elsewhere it seems to be not a big deal.
OK so you already have a partner, that changes the calculus quite a bit. I was just me, and one of my goals with this was to wind up somewhere I liked and meet people I liked and hopefully meet someone special. For you, you've probably already got that, but it means your decisions affect someone else, so much more thought and planning have to go into what you ultimately decide.
Remember, the how isn't the most important part. I'm just giving you ideas from my own life. Burnout is a symptom that something deeper is wrong, and you have to figure out what that is. You might love living in the city and working a desk job and eating out and drinking with friends on the weekends, but you just hate the company you're at, or the type of work you do. Or, you might just not want to live in an ant colony anymore. The most important part is figuring out what part of your life is making you miserable, and then, what kind of life wouldn't. Then you figure out the how.